A while back, directly two weeks before my purification, I began to undergo a process of awakening.

The awakening process began turbulently, as my consciousness, for the first time, recognized the "beings" at the emotional/spiritual depths of myself. The first week was my awakening to the dark side of myself, which I aptly named Tenkaichi. (I pronounce it Ten-Catch-ee)
During this week, mostly all I felt was rage. This side of myself was powerful.. I imagined him as a dark void in a suit. No face. It took control of me that week, simply letting me know that it was there. Not only for its sake, but mine. It was letting me know of the dog that hid within; that was always watching, protecting.

The next week I met what I named Sengoku, or the light side. I accepted God again this week, and it began changing me internally (positively) at an epic rate.. It was quite remarkable, the amount of revelations and beautiful moments I had that week. This is when I began to realize what was happening.

Together, they were me. But they existed separately, yet under one master. It was a balance, but inside I was still torn.
The week after, was the purification. I woke up, throwing up and puking violently. All day. Everytime I would so much as take a sip of water, I'd throw it up directly after. I must've thrown up twenty times that day.

That night I made my way to my car feverish and sweating. I took out my quartz and topaz, and this is when the universe told me "You've seen what you are. Now hear my calling." I accepted the calling and when I got back inside, I was completely fine. I devoured the pantry, eating everything in sight.. and went to sleep. Completely fine.
I woke up and went to the hospital as I had an appointment for it, just to see if anything was wrong. I couldn't help but feel amazing though, and continued to have amazing revelations that day and the day after.

Then the feelings subsided.. all the magic feelings and revelations began to fade temporarily. It was quite an amazing time of my life, looking back on it.

So here we are, about half a year later. I'm not where I want to be in my life. I'm stressed.. I need to make a change immediately. There are things in my way.. holding me back. I feel useless. But there's one person that didn't make me feel that way.. one person that had really taken control and shown me how to do things.
Tenkaichi.

If there is any such thing as releasing your inner spirit... I'm going to have to find out.

Yeah, but (insert 100,000 reasons why that's a bad idea).

IMO it sounds like there was something you didn't complete back then. Maybe the meld to bring them all together as one Being? You took 3 steps and missed the 4th, so now you are back to the norm and not walking the new path.

Exactly.

At one point I'd realized that since the Universe had entrusted me with its cause, it would mean death if I didn't follow through. If it had found me worthy for one instant, and given me the chance.. and if I ignored, I would find myself dead.

Damn it. Damn it, damn it.

How could I be so weak right now... when I know exactly what I need to do.

It's my been my experience that this is basically how the universe works exquisite moments of fleeting epiphanies settling down into mundane ordinariness - but no worries there is no going back.

Instead of being a blur, you decide right or wrong, until you are not a blur

I've made the necessary moves.

It all feels right.

My hands are off the wheel now.
I wasn't quite cutting it.

I think things are about to change.

It's for the better.

Hours in.... things feel different. But better. Like a new captain on shift.

But mentally, it's tolling... so much resentment for people today. Have not felt it in awhile. So much so.. to the point I began looking up human evolution. I never do that.

It's safe to say I let myself open up... I'm a dark person, inside. That has always been my main characteristic. But I cover it up well. I cover it for others, and I use it for others. But it is my inner theme... so I've taken steps to embrace it; I've done that through a unique mental process some would say is reckless..

I don't think it is. We'll find out. But certainly, things will change. The new me just... does thing differently. He isn't Jack.
He does things his way.
Because time is ticking, and the old energy wasn't cutting it...
I'm off the clock, so to speak.. took a step back for a little awhile.
But I'm still here.
Over-seeing.
Approving.

Hahh.

Tenkaichi has both something to do with Dragonball Z and is the name of a sushi and noodles bar lol. I go through the same things mayne but I've done it differently. Before I get to that I just wanted to address the fact that you seem to have a problem with your generation. Bro I've had those same feelings and it doesn't serve you. People are caught up in the drama of the illusion unfolding before them and the illusion to life that they've been sold on. No matter what end of the spectrum.

Just because you've woken up you have to also wake up to the illusion that we are in an enormous illusion, our reality at the moment but we're part of so much more, you know this. We all are so much more. Apply it. Look at these bouts of emotion as part of a sort of cosmic testing, if this reality is sort of like school for our consciousness. I've done a couple of days of seeing how I reacted without food for a couple days just to see how I reacted to people. Catch yourself. I've been going through the same thing. Just constantly catch yourself in negative emotions, breathe, try to balance out because it's hard to get really positive sometimes when your down in the dumps. Just balance out and let go of it, shift gears make someone laugh. The more you practice it the easier and faster it becomes to even out and sooner rather than later to be up again.

Let it go with people man. We all learn on our own time. I say just speak your Truth. Stand by it. But don't be boxed in by it. I believe it's all part of a spiritual awakening.

I think Tenkaichi comes from a Dragonball Z game though, according to wikipedia. I don't know if it has any esoteric symbolism.

Tenkaichi has absolutely no symbolism other than what I assigned it. I'd heard of it, probably from DBZ, but it was the first thing that came into my mind at that time and it seemed to fit very well, I never had to think about it. Even saying the name out loud gives me odd vibes. It has a voice as well. An indomitable, resonant, blistering voice. He's very alive.. as much as I am.


Edit: I also found myself struggling with, despite having about a two hour deep conversation with my mother- the thought that this life was all in vain. I know better- but can't seem to decipher what could be a self-imposed delusion, and what is not. I started researching what we evolved from... why we evolved. Why we evolved intelligence.
But I'd be in a much darker place tonight if it hadn't been for the conversation with my mom. She had a lot of things to say that kept my eyes open. But it didn't take him away.
Tenkaichi doesn't smoke. He doesn't give into to weak emotional responses. He doesn't sit and dwell on what people think or think about the obstructions of everyday life. He doesn't care about these things at all. Yet his spirit is aggressive; he is a protector. ...It's a welcome change.
And still "I" seem to be the weakness of my own self.
I realize that many people truly aren't themselves... they are who they see in the mirror. I theorized that if one day, humans were lifted out of their bodies and made to live in a new realm, some wouldn't even be able to cope.
That's not Tenkaichi, because he is just... spirit. Raw spirit, here on this Earth to do what needs to be done. This is something I've tried to do for years but he does it so effortlessly, because alas... my normal frame of mind takes a step aside and says "Here. Just take the reigns. Do it. I'm sick of it all, anyway." But tomorrow is a big day for me. Training in the morning and afternoon... and training is incredibly important to me right now. I'd like to see how he handles that. Should be fun, yes?

Might I ask what kind of training?

Muay Thai kickboxing. My true passion. It's 8 A.M here and raining, gloomy...and I woke up sick. Going to try some meditation before I leave.

(From http://english.mashkulture.net/2011/05/09/the-art-of-paul-kuczynski/)

I love that photo of the birds.

I reckon that's Noah's Dove and the Vulture is saying, "Stick around; when the water recedes we are goin' to PAHTAY like the end of the world!"